Growing up I loved to read Dr. Seuss. However, I was terrible at it. I didn't know it until much further along in my life, but it probably had something to do with the dyslexia that I have. It makes reading so difficult and slow. I also cannot spell to save my life! I realize now that I loved Dr. Seuss because it helped me to focus on the rhythm and rhyme rather than the actual order of the letters. There's no telling how I pronounced the words since I wasn't really looking at them! Pretty soon I was able to speed through a good Dr. Seuss book and feel like I accomplished something. It gave me the confidence to read more, I failed, but I was more confident. After a while, and a lot more practice I got better and better at reading, but it was always so slow! As long as I didn't have to read out loud I was still confident.
I had figured out a trick at school to overcome this issue of mine. My 4th grade teacher always made us read out loud in class. Luckily she had a pattern for her reading order and I would count ahead the number of paragraphs that would be read ahead of me and I would start practicing the part that was going to be mine. I was able to "fake read" the paragraph that I memorized while waiting for my turn. This worked for a few years until teachers started changing reading orders around.
But then the day came that I was asked to read scripture at church. I really wanted to try, but I knew that reading aloud was not a great idea for me. I read it over and over at home. I practiced and practiced. I wanted to succeed, but every time I tried to read it out loud I would stumble over the words. My mind was jumping around the words and I could find the line I was trying to read. I would start to panic and then I wanted to give up. I didn't. I kept trying. Soon I realized that I had memorized the verse I was asked to read, and I could say it seamlessly as long as I wasn't looking at the words. I could "Fake Read" the scripture.
Finally, the Sunday that I was called to read came, and I was prepared. I had the verse memorized and all I had to do was walk to the podium, Bible in hand and pretend to read the verse. The song ended and it was my appointed time. I stood. I started walking to the front. I made my way up the steps to the podium. I looked out over the congregation and started reciting the verse. The only problem, was I forgot to bring my Bible! I was pretending to read, but I was apparently reading the Bible that was sitting on the pew nearly 20 feet away. I do not have good eyesight. Halfway through the "reading" I realized what I was doing. Luckily the podium was very large and solid wood. After all, this was well before the days of plexi-glass podiums or music stands for preaching. I look at the podium and thought, "How do I leave without anyone noticing that I don't have my Bible?" When I finished reading, I pretended to close the Bible and hold it down by my side. I quickly headed for my seat and ducked in quickly. I had pulled it off. No one noticed!
What this situation helped me to learn about myself was that I could easily perform, even under pressure. I had an ability to memorize and I needed to use it. I know more about this disorder called dyslexia that I have, and I am so grateful for it. It has provided me with new opportunities that I might not would have attempted if I had to rely on my ability to read aloud. I soon tried my hand at performance and discovered a passion for storytelling. I knew that I was different in the way that my brain processed the information that I was encountering, and I still do, But God gave me a different set of gifts that make me unique. Oh, and I was wrong, Someone did notice that I faked my Bible reading. Our preacher stopped me after services as I was on my way outside to play with friends, and told me he noticed that I didn't have a Bible with me. He asked how long it took me to memorize the verse and encouraged me to continue memorizing as much as I could. He also encouraged me to become a minister. I am proud to say that I have now officially followed his advice. I may not be able to read aloud in public, but I can use the gifts that I was given to tell others about Gods love for them!
JC South
