Life, Loss, and Ugly Dogs

Recently my family experienced a loss. Our little guard dog, who we have learned to love over the past four years passed away. We got Toby, thinking he was a Dachshund Chihuahua mix that we found on Craigslist for Liam's 6th birthday. He had been begging for a pig, but we were able to convenience him that a puppy would be better.

Toby was tiny. He was whiny, he was a rascal, but luckily for him he was cute. He was cute enough to forgive him when he would make a mess on the floor. He was cute enough that we grew to love him, even when we discovered that he was really a miniature doberman and chihuahua mix and thought he was a full grown adult doberman. We all loved him, but it took Gina the longest of us all to declare him a part of the family. It was not until he saved Gina from a ferocious snake in the driveway (these are her words) that she truly loved him.

Over the next few years, Toby was still scampy and goofy, but we all loved his little face and snuggles. He was always a good escape artist as well, and this became his undoing. A couple of weeks ago, He figured out how to escape from our backyard by tunneling under the fence. He had escaped a number of times before, but always made his way home within an hour or two. This time was different, he was gone all night. In fact he never made it back home. A couple of days later I received a call from a neighbor telling me that there had been an accident the day he escaped, and he had passed away. We were all devastated. Our little scamp has gone. Toby was not coming home. We all cried all evening. It was a terrible scene. Our family was dealing with a loss, unlike anything we had dealt with before. It was especially hard since we had just recently moved across the country and we were still dealing with culture shock and adjusting to our new environment. It was almost like Toby was the glue that  was holding us all together.

Each of us dealt with the loss in our own way. My wife cried a lot, Liam cried and the was mopey for a few days. Duncan cried, but then didn't want to talk about it anymore. Crispin, was mad about the whole situation, because I called him at school to tell him about our loss and I ruined his evening. I was very sad, but I turned to the only logical place I could think of for comfort. Pet adoption websites. There were so many sweet adoptable pets, but none of them had the spark and interest for me that I was hoping for. But then it happened. I turned to Craigslist again. The first and only pet listed in our town was a scruffy little dog, that was listed as being "Lovely + Dog" The picture was not very helpful, but I could see a sort of cute look in his eyes. I inquired about him and when I heard his name I was smitten. His name was Elvis. I had to see this dog and see if he would be the thing that would fill the hole in my heart.

After a series of interesting and amusing texts between Gina and I she decided I could go visit the dog and see if his temperament would work with our family. I know this meant he was going to be coming home with us. I was relieved that he was calm and obedient. I was however surprised that the craigslist post stated that he was "Lovely" he was a dog as advertised, but he was one of the ugliest dogs I had seen. He wasn't just a mutt, he was a Maltese Shi Tzu mix. and from my research on them should have been adorable. He somehow got the ugly genes!

But I loved him anyway. I decided to wait the weekend before getting him, and then went for it. I brought home this matted black/white and tan (somewhat too tan in places) dog that smelled to high heavens. I immediately bathed him, and brushed out his coat as much as possible. He was much whiter and much less tan now, but not any more attractive.  I decided he would benefit by a good grooming, but I am way too cheap to take him to a groomer, so I decided to do it myself. I went and invested in the equipment need to groom this dog (yes, it was more than I would have paid to have him groomed in the first place) and proceeded to watch YouTube videos on how to groom a dog.

For my first attempt, I think I did great. I was able to successfully remove most of, if not all of the matted spots from his legs and underside, and trimmed up everything else pretty well too. Elvis was on his way to becoming presentable, still ugly, but not in dire need of attention. And to top it off, He and I bonded over the grooming experience. He loves me. He loves me so much, now that he will not leave me alone, and howls whenever I leave him in his crate. He follows me everywhere I go. I have decided that this is going to be a great thing. He and I are going to go on long walks. I'm going to get in better shape because of this ugly dog named Elvis.

Now we wait to see how each family member bonds with this ugly dog. Gina has already said it is going to take her a while to love him, but then yesterday she took him for a walk. I could see it in her eyes, she wants to bond with him too! Good times are ahead. Even though we experienced a major loss, we are resilient and we can move forward. And nothing helps us move past the pain like an ugly dog!

JCS

Oh the places you'll go!

Growing up I loved to read Dr. Seuss. However, I was terrible at it. I didn't know it until much further along in my life, but it probably had something to do with the dyslexia that I have. It makes reading so difficult and slow. I also cannot spell to save my life! I realize now that I loved Dr. Seuss because it helped me to focus on the rhythm and rhyme rather than the actual order of the letters. There's no telling how I pronounced the words since I wasn't really looking at them! Pretty soon I was able to speed through a good Dr. Seuss book and feel like I accomplished something. It gave me the confidence to read more, I failed, but I was more confident. After a while, and a lot more practice I got better and better at reading, but it was always so slow! As long as I didn't have to read out loud I was still confident.

I had figured out a trick at school to overcome this issue of mine. My 4th grade teacher always made us read out loud in class. Luckily she had a pattern for her reading order and I would count ahead the number of paragraphs that would be read ahead of me and I would start practicing the part that was going to be mine. I was able to "fake read" the paragraph that I memorized while waiting for my turn. This worked for a few years until teachers started changing reading orders around.

But then the day came that I was asked to read scripture at church. I really wanted to try, but I knew that reading aloud was not a great idea for me. I read it over and over at home. I practiced and practiced. I wanted to succeed, but every time I tried to read it out loud I would stumble over the words. My mind was jumping around the words and I could find the line I was trying to read. I would start to panic and then I wanted to give up. I didn't. I kept trying. Soon I realized that I had memorized the verse I was asked to read, and I could say it seamlessly as long as I wasn't looking at the words. I could "Fake Read" the scripture.

Finally, the Sunday that I was called to read came, and I was prepared. I had the verse memorized and all I had to do was walk to the podium, Bible in hand and pretend to read the verse. The song ended and it was my appointed time. I stood. I started walking to the front. I made my way up the steps to the podium. I looked out over the congregation and started reciting the verse. The only problem, was I forgot to bring my Bible! I was pretending to read, but I was apparently reading the Bible that was sitting on the pew nearly 20 feet away. I do not have good eyesight. Halfway through the "reading" I realized what I was doing. Luckily the podium was very large and solid wood. After all, this was well before the days of plexi-glass podiums or music stands for preaching. I look at the podium and thought, "How do I leave without anyone noticing that I don't have my Bible?" When I finished reading, I pretended to close the Bible and hold it down by my side. I quickly headed for my seat and ducked in quickly. I had pulled it off. No one noticed!

What this situation helped me to learn about myself was that I could easily perform, even under pressure. I had an ability to memorize and I needed to use it. I know more about this disorder called dyslexia that I have, and I am so grateful for it. It has provided me with new opportunities that I might not would have attempted if I had to rely on my ability to read aloud. I soon tried my hand at performance and discovered a passion for storytelling. I knew that I was different in the way that my brain processed the information that I was encountering, and I still do, But God gave me a different set of gifts that make me unique. Oh, and I was wrong, Someone did notice that I faked my Bible reading. Our preacher stopped me after services as I was on my way outside to play with friends, and told me he noticed that I didn't have a Bible with me. He asked how long it took me to memorize the verse and encouraged me to continue memorizing as much as I could. He also encouraged me to become a minister. I am proud to say that I have now officially followed his advice. I may not be able to read aloud in public, but I can use the gifts that I was given to tell others about Gods love for them!

JC South

When It Rains It Pours

I remember when I was a kids I was home alone while my mom was out at the store, or running errands, and the phone rang. Yes I know that this dates me. I am old enough to have grown up with landlines being the primary phone source for communication! We didn't even have email until I was about to graduate from college. Anyway, The phone rang and I answered it in my most polite voice. Side note - This is a lost skill for the majority of today's youth. Without a landline and with the addition of caller ID we have lost the skill of answering a shared line and being polite since we do not who might be on the other end of the line. Technology! Again, back to the initial story. So the phone rang and I answered it in my best polite 13 year old voice said, "South residence, how may I help you?"

I was proud, I was home alone, and answered the phone correctly even when no one was around to hear me. Then the voice on the other end of the line says to me, "Congratulations, you have been selected to win a prize package valued at over $2000.00." I couldn't believe it. I had won! I was a winner! Then she continued to describe the prize package, which I didn't listen to at all, because I was so excited that I had won! I was a winner! 'Winner, winner, chicken dinner!' Then I realized that the voice on the other end of the phone was asking me a question. I wasn't listening. I didn't know what she was saying. I was a winner after all, and I didn't need to worry about anything else!

She repeated her question again, she could have repeated it a dozen times, but I will never know, because I was not listening! Finally I paid attention and listened to the question. She was asking me if I was ready to answer the trivia question in order to win the prize. What!!! I had to answer trivia to get the cash? No fair! So I took in a deep breath and answered, yes, I'm ready to answer the question.

I began pacing the house, even before the question was asked. I was about to panic, knowing that I could possibly answer this question incorrectly and loose my prize!!!! My parents would kill me. I waited, she paused.

I waited for the question. I waited and waited, and I worried, and worried. Finally, she asked! "What common kitchen product and food enhancement uses the slogan, 'When it Rains it Pours?'"

What? How would I know that? I was only 13. I had no clue. I was devastated. I just lost $2000.00. My parents were going to kill me. "Could you give me a hint?" I replied. The sound on the other end of the line was a muffled laugh, but I was undeterred. I was going to get that money! "Excuse me," I heard over the phone. "Did you just ask for a hint?"

"Yes, I don't have a clue what you are asking about." I think at this point I was on the verge of crying. It is so hard to be a adolescent teen boy. Emotions are not something that a young boy can get a grasp of even when money is not involved. So I know I was a mess at this point. I asked again for a hint. The reply I received was no help at all. "You probably have this on your dinner table," the annoying voice that already knew the answer and couldn't figure out why I had no idea what the answer was going to be.

"I have it on my table?" I responded. I was grasping for straws! "I don't know. I guess it's water." I thought it was a logical guess, even though bottled water was not even close to being in fashion yet. When it rains it pours, WATER. Right? Then I heard the sigh on the other end of the line. "Are you sure?" she asked. "No, of course not." was what I wished I had said, but in reality I think I was in full blown tears at this point. I blubbered something unintelligible, but then she blurted out, "You sprinkle it on your food, to make it taste better."

She probably didn't want to have to deal with the complete and total breakdown that I was quickly slipping into. But, luckily for her, her words sparked something in my brain. Pepper!! It was pepper. I love pepper. "Pepper," I blurted out, and as fast as I had said it, she exclaimed, "NO, THE OTHER ONE."

"Salt?" I said. "Do you mean it's salt?"

There was a long sigh of relief, then I heard "Yes, congratulations, that's the right answer. 'Morton's Salt, When It Rains It Pours,' You are a winner!"

Now keep in mind, until this point, the voice on the other end of the phone line had yet to ask my age. Until now. I'm not sure if she heard the frustration and horror in my voice when she told me I was wrong, or if the fact that my voice had not completed it's change, which if I'm honest, never dropped very low. I still get called, "Mam," at nearly every single drive through window. Then the voice came out of the phone, "How old are you?"

"What? What did you ask?" I stumbled over the words. What was she asking me? What question was this? "I'm 13. 13 years old," I stated emphatically, and followed it up with a timid, "Why?"

"I'm sorry, you have to be 18 to win. I'm sorry, is you mom or dad there?" she politely asked. "No," I said in a moment of sheer terror. Didn't she know I was a kid, Or had I done such a good job answering the phone, that she assumed I was an adult. Well, you know what that say about assuming, right! "I'm sorry," I heard from the end of the line. But then I heard a glorious sound before I could respond. My mom was coming in the front door! "She's here, she's here," called out. "My mom is here!"

I ran to my mom and covering the mouth piece of the phone, I told her all about the prize and the fact that I had won it. My mom was going to be elated. $2000.00. It wasn't even Christmas, but I was giving her the best gift of the year! My mom, setting the bags of groceries down that she was holding in her arms, began to huff. I was confused. She made a weird and unknowable face at me and took the phone from my hands.

"Hello, yes, this is Mrs. South. No. No. He's only 13. No. No. We don't need it right now. No thank you. No, I'm really not interested. Good bye." These words were so disconnected from the reality that I had just been living. She was saying NO? But how? I just won $2000.00.

"But what about the money?" I implored. "There is no money." She snapped back. "It was a telemarketer. She was trying to sell you the newspaper. Please help me put away these groceries."
She went into mom kitchen mode and I was stunned. My 'Major Award,' my grand prize, my cash was gone. She just took it from me.

Sometimes, that's how life goes. We think we have it all together and everything is great, then in swoops a larger more powerful presence and our lives are turned upside down. This happens frequently in the life of a child. We don't always stop and think about what effect our "Parental" actions might have on our children. They are trying so hard to be independent and to run their own lives, but we don't always stop and think about how our decisions impact their lives.

Children need guidance, I know I sure did, but they also need to be able to make some decisions for themselves. My Morton's Salt incident still sticks out to me as one of those moments that I thought I knew what I was doing, and I was so excited about it, but in the end, my mom was right. She was able to catch my mistake and put a stop to it before it got out of control.

God does this for us too. He lets us make out own decisions, he watches us to see how we react and how we respond, but he is also always there to throw us a life line when we need it. He will save us from our own despair. He can put an end to the incessant voices in our ears telling us that we can have $2000.00 if we will just say the 'right' thing. He stops the empty promises of the world, and protects us from the grasp of Satan.

Thank you Mom for saving me from the greedy telemarketer and teaching me a lesson, that I am just now really starting to understand.

Once Safe, Always Safe, Am I Right? Can I get an Amen? Anybody???

Confidence in the Classroom

Safety is the number one concern for most parents when they bring their child to church. They want to make sure that the environment, the activities, the other children, and most importantly the teachers are safe to stay with their kids. How can we make these elements all come together? We have to remind ourselves of the basic POINTS of children's ministry. While all of these POINTS do not necessarily directly contribute to the safety of our children's ministry, they do all add to the level of confidence that parents and children will feel about the ministry as a whole.

Imagine yourself as a first time visitor to your children's ministry. What would you want to experience as you enter the children's area? How would you want to be greeted? What would you want to see? How would you know that there were safety procedures in place?

Below are some POINTS for how we can convey the level importance that we place on our children's ministry to our parents and to the kids in our ministry.

BE PREPARED - as a teacher myself, nothing makes you feel more confident than knowing that you are prepared for your class. If you wait until the last minute, you will be rushing around and trying to get our materials out and ready to go when you should be greeting and meeting your class and parents. Make sure you know your materials and know where your supplies are. We work diligently to make sure that everything you need in your classroom is prepared and ready to go, so that you can concentrate on being prepared to teach.

BE ORGANIZED - always stay on task in the classroom. Stick to the schedule. Of course there are going to be times that you will need to shuffle activities, or change gears if things are not working, but the more structure that you can maintain in the flow of the class, the easier it will be for you and for the students to understand the material and in turn make a deeper impact on the lives of the children that we are teaching. Plus, organization in preparing your lessons will free up time for you to really be able to focus the lesson, and more importantly it will free up more stress free time for you in your week.

BE INTENTIONAL - Being intentional means, "Understanding that our attitudes, feelings, thoughts, and actions directly impact every single one of our experiences. It means taking responsibility on how we 'show up' in all situations, and for how we want to contribute." When we are intentional we are able to respond to situations rather than react to them, and we are then free to consciously focus on the experience we choose to create. This one has a huge impact on our kids and our parents, but it is also probably the hardest of our POINTS to put into practice.

NOTIFY PARENTS - going out of order in our Sunday morning routine, we are going to skip to the goodbye section of the class time. Nothing makes a parent feel better about leaving their child in your care than knowing that you care. One of the easiest ways to do this is to tell the parents what their child learned, and something about what their own specific child did in class (both positive and areas for improvement). Of course this can't happen every week, for every child, but when a child is leaving, make sure they have their materials and point out to the parents what the lesson was about. Saying goodbye to the parents and the children creates a lasting impression that is very powerful, especially for new families.

BE ON TIME - This one goes without saying. We need to be present when the kids begin arriving. This is one of the POINTS that connects to almost all of the others. Being on time connects us to being better prepared, aids in our organization, and helps to demonstrate our intentionality,  Being on time shows the kids that you care and lets the parents feel at ease. When a parent has to wait for a teacher to arrive, it causes anxiety for them and usually causes a domino effect in their day. First they wait for the teacher, second they are now late for their own small group, or worship, next they are in no hurry to pick up their child, since you were late to teach, and then our whole morning is off kilter! Be On Time!

SAY IT WITH A SMILE - Smiling makes you more approachable, especially when you are meeting someone for the first time. A smile makes it so much easier for a parent or a visiting child to feel that you are approachable. From the moment that someone enters the children's wing until they leave the building, they should be greeted with smiles!When a ministry partner understands the importance and the impact that a smile can make on visiting families, then they hold the keys to building the children's ministry as a whole.

September 2017 - Oh My God, You're All a Bunch of Dumb Asses!

Oh My God, You're all a Bunch or Dumb Asses! or Thoughts and Ramblings from the Mind of a Children's Minister.

The second statement above would probably be a much better title for this blog, but would you actually read it if that was the title? Seriously, You know you wanted to find out who the dumb asses are, and if you happen to be one of them. You know you did. Well here's your answer... You are, we all are, everyone is a dumb ass. At least that's what one of the kids in my children's ministry thinks.

You know it is interesting how all kids think that they know better than everyone else. But don't we all think that? A couple of weeks ago we were starting a new Wednesday night class with all new teachers. (I'm one of the teachers, and I'm new, since I just stated working with this church). I decided, in all my children's ministry wisdom, that we should play some games with the class to get to know each other better. After all 3rd 4th and 5th graders love to talk about themselves and share interesting facts about their own lives, right! I actually know this to be a sticking point for a lot of kids, so we tried to make it interesting and add a little physical spin to the sharing time. We went bowling! Everyone loves to bowl. And these kids fell right in line and were excited to bowl too!
So here's the game. We all had to bowl a dodge ball towards 15 bowling pins. (I know that it should have been 10, but I was stretching to make sure we learned enough facts about each kid). So the object of the game was knock over the pins and tell a fact about yourself for every pin you knock down (or 15 facts if you miss all the pins). So with a class of 12 students we started bowling. The class was chaotic to say the least! From the get go they were asking if they could go to the gym. Begging to take the game to the gym, "please, please please, let us go to the gym."

Now let me get one thing strait, I am not a gym person. I have spent my fair share of time in the gym, and appreciate those who use gyms, but I personally am not one of those people. I knew that the kids wanted to go to the gym, and had been warned by Pastor P., the lead Children's minister, that in the past, they spent the majority of their Wednesday night class time in the gym. What I was not prepared for was DAVID. David wanted to go to the gym, and he wanted to go now!!!!

David, I had previously learned, as ADHD and is on the spectrum, meaning he is socially challenged and gets rough with other kids - rough physically, and verbally.  While I had not really seen much of this side of David, this first night of class, was about to be an education for me as well as the to resident students who were teaching along side me. David loves going to the gym, and had been working hard throughout the entire bowling game to rally support to go to the gym. I told him early on, we would go to the gym when were were finished with our game, but everyone needed to have the chance to bowl first. David volunteered to go first. He rolled the ball and hit nine pins. He quickly and unintelligibly muttered out 9 facts and sat down. The next couple of kids began to take their turns, all the while chaos was looming above the classroom like a thunderhead building before a flash flood! David was loosing it.

Others in the class, were not at all interested in the game. They too wanted to go to the gym, or play any other sort of game but the game that we had selected for them. Paper airplanes began to fly, kids began running laps in the room, the noise level was reaching newer and newer levels that could only be described as incessant. They were picking at one another. None of them, except for a singular boy named Jackson and a sweet quiet little girl named Elle, could sit still any longer. The bowling experiment was falling apart! Were were pushing our way through the game as determined as we could possibly be; more determined than any bulldozer has ever been. We were going to finish this game, damn it!

Time stood still, the game was eternal, and then it happened. David looked up and saw the clock. There were only 10 minutes left in class. He looked at me and said, "Are we ever going to the Gym?" I replied in a devastated and overwhelmingly exhausted way, "No, not tonight, we still aren't finished with our game."

SNAP

"Oh my God, You're all a bunch of dumb asses!" exploded from the mouth of David. Jaws dropped, everyone slowly turned. This was simple to do because time stopped. The universe had just split open and the 3rd 4th and 5th grade minds were whirling! Then as fast as time had stopped, it crashed back in on us as one of the resident teachers pointed to the door and grabbed David by the shoulder. There was no sound in the room. At least from my perspective there was no sound. My ears had stopped functioning. It was not until David was out of the room that I realized that Elle, sweet little Elle who had been waiting patiently to tell us of her 8 facts about herself was almost done with her list. "... and my favorite food is Pizza."

What just happened? Did I really just experience this, or was it all an elaborate hallucination?  Did I eat something that is causing me to dream horrific things in the middle of this class?

Then Jackson comes to me and says, "Mr. Jason, is it my turn now?" Yes I reply and hand him the ball I pass the game off to the other resident and rush out the door to find David. He is, yes you guessed it, in the GYM. We talk and I tell him to run and get out his energy. I know that he held in his explosive forces as long as he could, and I tell him that we will talk about it later.

So why am I sharing this story? I share it to encourage others that are working with kids. It's not easy. Working with kids is actually very hard, at times. We are not perfect, in fact a lot of times we are all a bunch of dumb asses. But, we keep on working with kids. We know that we too can learn from them too. Our best plans are not as important as the needs of a kid.  I was forcing my lesson through. I wanted to learn more about each of these kids!!! But in turn I learned nothing about them, and a lot about myself. I was a dumb ass.

I will do my best to not be a dumb ass in the future, but thanks to David, I know that changing gears and moving forward or running down a rabbit hole might be better for the class as a whole, and not just trying to accomplish my goals. Making a difference in the life of a child will always trump completing a lesson plan!

Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

JC